Social justice narrative

, and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started! *Writing Strength:  You organize your essay by writing it chronologically, which helps readers easily follow your ideas. For instance, you start off with how one day you asked him about female employees, and the essay ends with the conclusion of the tea party. Good job! *Kansa 10532466, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis: Kansa, your realizations toward the end of the essay need further discussion as they don’t illustrate a clear main point. In effect, readers might have trouble understanding the message that you want to convey. Content Development:  In addition, some paragraphs in your narrative are missing supporting details, so readers might have trouble understanding your entire narrative.

Let’s take a look at this excerpt from the second paragraph: • Later in the afternoon, I went to visit my friend Seema, who lived across from our farm. We had agreed to meet up for tea and catch up since it was the weekend. I had no idea that this day would change my perception how gender imbalance and sexism is widespread in my community. By the time I got to the venue, I was burning with questions regarding what my father said about women in general and what my peer would make of the revelation. You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook. _________________________________________________________________________________ Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below.

Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon. Kansa Patel Prof. Mullin Eng. Heck, ladies blow through cash faster than you can count to ten!” he chuckled and left. Later in the afternoon, I went to visit my friend Seema, who lived across from our farm. We had agreed to meet up for tea and catch up since it was the weekend. I had no idea that this day would change my perception how gender imbalance and sexism is widespread in my community. By the time I got to Seema’s house, which was the venue of the tea party, I was burning with questions regarding what my father said about women in general and what my peer would make of the revelation.

Quoting one of my friends Malika, “Mommy says that girls should play with dolls because they teach them how to be good future mothers. ” I was mortified. For a while back, I felt that as girls, we were expected to do some things and not others because of our gender. For instance, the toys we played with like the Barbie dolls, were meant to enforce the nurturing spirit that ladies should possess. Worse still, my mother, my friends’ mothers, and probably other mothers in our neighbourhood felt the same way about women’s position in society and cemented gender stereotypes consciously or unconsciously. To cover my surprise at her response, I took a large gulp of tea and ate three more cookies before we ran out and Seema had to refill.